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A sex life doesn’t stay the same forever. There’s a cyclical nature of our sex life that’s influenced by mood, mental health, work stress, and the comfort of routine. Sometimes that rhythm feels exciting.
Sometimes it can slip into a sexual rut - the same thing over and over - and that can leave you feeling bored or disconnected.
The important thing is to see those dips as an opportunity.
Even a small shift in approach can make a good sex life great again. And you don’t need to follow a particular order - choose one or two great ways to start and see how they feel in real life. If it’s been a long time since you felt truly connected, think of this as a reset.
1. Bring more play into the bedroom
Play changes the energy instantly. A little silliness in the bedroom is often a great way to take the pressure off and turn intimacy into something fun. When partners laugh together, it reduces expectations, encourages risk-taking, and makes it easier to try new positions or explore new parts of each other’s bodies in ways you haven’t before.
In a committed relationship, playful moments in bed can reignite sexual tension and remind you that this person isn’t just your co-parent, flatmate, or work-schedule partner, they’re your lover. This isn’t about performing undesired sex acts or ticking off a to-do list item. It’s about showing up with a curious attitude and a willingness to experiment for the joy of it.
- Send sexy texts during the day to tease and build anticipation
- Try light role-play scenarios or use a sexy surprise like sexy lingerie
- Switch between different positions mid-session to keep things fresh
- Play a playful question game in bed to learn something new about each other
- Turn an everyday activity into foreplay, like cooking together in just your underwear
2. Try new sensations
New sensations wake the body up and interrupt autopilot. That might mean touching different parts of your partner’s body, trying a sensual massage, or playing with temperature. Novelty is a powerful tool in keeping a sexual being engaged. It’s one of the easy ways to add depth to your sexual experiences without a huge effort - and a sex therapist will tell you that variety is essential for a fulfilling sex life.
Don’t overlook the basics either. Changing the pace, the lights, or your breathing pattern can make a familiar act feel brand new. And yes, this includes exploring oral sex in different ways, giving it more time, more intention, or adding a surprise twist your partner isn’t expecting. Even using a new lube can take familiar acts to new heights (always use a doctor-recommended water-based lubricant). When you bring fun into touch, it’s not only a good time, but unlocks so much more.
- Explore temperature play with ice cubes, warm oils, or a sensual spa day
- Add a new toy or a different texture to heighten sensation
- Slow down during oral sex to focus on the physical connection and build suspense
- Experiment with blindfolds to heighten your other senses
- Swap your usual setting for a bath or shower session to explore touch in water
3. Focus on deepening your sexual connection
A fulfilling, healthy sex life depends on emotional closeness. Without it, even great sex can feel hollow. Many sex therapists, including Dr. Juliana Hauser, talk about the view of holistic sexuality, the idea that mental health, physical connection, and emotional intimacy all feed into each other.
This means being open about your sexual fantasies and creating a safe space to share them. Partners who can talk about types of fantasies without judgment often find their love life improves outside the bedroom, too. And it’s worth remembering that intimacy isn’t only about the act, the lingering touches, thoughtful gestures, and moments of Physical Touch in daily life build the foundation for when you do meet in bed.
- Share your list of fantasies with your partner and pick one to try together
- Watch an erotic movie to spark fun ideas and conversation
- Use Quality Time away from distractions to focus purely on each other
- Write each other a short erotic story and read them aloud
- Spend a night cuddling, kissing, and touching without the goal of intercourse
4. Switch up your surroundings
Your environment affects your mood and your arousal. Your environment affects your mood and your arousal. A change of setting can be a great way to break routine. Moving from the usual bedroom to a different location can spark excitement, especially in long-term relationships where the same space has been used for years.
Whether it’s booking a hotel room, setting up a planned evening with candles and music, or experimenting with different surroundings like the living room floor, the shift in scenery gives your brain a little extra somethin’ somethin'. Even ordering room service for a planned evening can make a familiar night feel special. And sometimes, the end of the day is the perfect time to add that little thought and surprise your partner.
- Plan a romantic relationship reset weekend away
- Surprise your partner with an unfamiliar space or different times for intimacy
- Set up a private corner at home with soft lighting for sensual pleasures
- Book a themed hotel room just for the novelty
- Move your usual intimacy to the garden, balcony, or other unexpected space
5. Explore self-pleasure together
Mutual self-pleasure is one of the best ways (not to mention fun) to learn more about your partner’s body and desires. It’s also a chance to explore your own pleasure without the expectations that sometimes come with partnered sex. Seeing what your partner enjoys on their own can inspire new experiences together and help you avoid the trap of routine.
If this feels intimidating, remember there’s no one-size-fits approach. Start small, perhaps as part of a longer session, and communicate throughout. The goal is understanding, not performance. This can be especially eye-opening for women who’ve never shared their solo habits with a partner, and equally enlightening for men to see a different side of their lover’s arousal.
- Show each other new sex acts or favourite techniques
- Incorporate different sex toys or lubricants to enhance sensation
- Try guided mutual touch sessions where the focus is on exploration, not orgasm
- Watch each other during solo play and give verbal encouragement
- Swap control of a toy or vibrator so each partner gets to explore giving pleasure
6. Play with power and fantasy
Exploring dynamics like dominance and submission, even in subtle ways, can create powerful sexual tension. This might involve taking turns leading, experimenting with role play, or bringing in light restraint. It’s important to remember that safe space rules still apply, consent comes first, and no undesired sex acts should be part of the play.
Power play isn’t just for adventurous men or women who’ve been at it for years. Even a temporary new couple can benefit from exploring this energy. Done right, it deepens the emotional connection and can help partners see each other as complex sexual beings, not just as everyday companions.
- Set up a planned evening where one person takes full control
- Use a change in different clothing to signal a shift in roles
- Try Dirty talk to heighten the psychological side of the fantasy
- Introduce a safe word and experiment with light restraints
- Recreate a favourite scene from a book or movie together
7. Connect Through Events and Community
Sometimes the best friends to your sex life are the communities that inspire you. Attending workshops, retreats, or even joining community chat rooms can expose you to new ideas, techniques, and perspectives. It’s also a great place to meet people who share your sexual desires and understand your journey.
Being part of a community can also give you additional support when you’re navigating intimate relationships or looking for creative, fun activities to try with your partner. This can be especially valuable if you’ve been in a sexual rut and need fresh energy. And the little effort of joining in often leads to much fun and unexpected inspiration.
- Attend a local intimacy workshop or couples retreat
- Engage in community chat rooms or forums for like-minded people
- Join themed date nights in your area to spark conversation and sexual connection
- Sign up for a guided tantra or sensual massage class together
- Follow sex-positive educators on social media for regular inspiration
Join our community to find the events that are right for you.
The bottom line
Keeping a fulfilling sex life isn’t about constant reinvention. It’s about paying attention. The important part is showing up for your partner, being honest about your needs, and allowing your relationship to evolve with time. A little change in the bedroom or a thoughtful, sexy surprise can reignite the spark in ways that last far beyond the night.
If you’re unsure where to start, treat this list as a menu.
Pick what excites you, talk it through, and give yourselves permission to try. With openness, creativity, and care, you can keep your sexual relationship not just alive but thriving - no matter how long it’s been since the last time you felt that electric pull.
And if you loved this, you’ll love this community. Join us for more sex tips, advice and events.
